Bull Market – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Momentum Investing – The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.
Broker – Poorer than you were in 1999.
Standard & Poor – Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst – The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split – When your ex-spouse and your lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves and head off to the Bahamas together.
Financial Planner – A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction – The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option – Something people used to do with a telephone before e-mail.
Day Trader – Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Cisco – Sidekick of Pancho.
Yahoo – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 a share.
Windows 2000 – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo
for $240 per share.
Institutional Investor – Investor who’s locked up in a nut house.
Profit – Religious guy who talks to God.
Alan Greenspan – God
Bill Gates – Where God goes for a loan.